Heart pounds in my ears. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Running back and forth. As I ran I slip in a puddle of mud. Mud covers my leg. I wipe it off. All around me I hear the shouts of my friends. Everyone screaming at the one with the frisbee. The first game I actually got to play, but by the second game, the 4 giants have taken over, and my humble 5'4''ness can't possibly catch the high throws and deep shots. But I can run... I can run. and run. and run. I can block, and I can stall, and I and run. As I pound down the field I'm suddenly thrown into a day in my past. Fourth grade. Standing inside a soccer goal. 1. 2. 3. and we're off. The two of us. Him and I. The fastest boy at school, and I. Down we race to the other end. Our fingertips barely touching the cold metal of the goal. Then back again. Me only seconds behind. He wins. I crash defeated. The rain pelts at my face. Ok, so it was fourth grade so it wasn't that epic, but today was. Today. Him and I. The fastest guy I know. The frisbee is thrown. 1. 2. 3. And we're off.........

Waking up at 10:30 on a sunday morning completely throws you off. I woke up, very groggy indeed, not as tired as some, but all the same. I check the clock. No way! I must be really tired. Then reality sets in. Turns out Dad wanted mom and I to sleep in. But it was weird. Not going to church. I read my bible, got a banana, slipped into some sweats and an old t-shirt and ran to Fred Meyer.

The day passed slowly. Got more math and science done. Then by 4 I was ready to play some frisbee. Got to Grants Pass, after following 4VXL-460 who thought it would be cool to go as fast as he can and tailgate everyone. :P It was cold. Frisbee was great though. Played a lot the first round, then watched as the frisbee flew back and forth across the field, far above my head. I blocked as many people as I could. For the first time in quite some time my competitiveness showed. When we threw off the frisbee, I started running down the field next to my own teammate. He picked up the pace and I found myself racing (kind of) with him. Ugh! Stupid me! After the game I retreated into the company Nat, Alexa, and Mrs. Emmons. We huddled in their car and talked about what we wanted out wedding to look like. I heard some lovely new ideas, and confirmed others. The kruses invited me over to watch a movie and I jumped on it.

"Round and round till the break of day shadows fall, fiddles play" "Dance with me darling. We haven't danced since I don't know when" "Dance, dance, like it's the last last night of your life."

Well, we didn't watch any movies, but Abigail and I made some pretty silly videos. :) Then Dev and I danced. Well, waltzed. He's going to my brother's twin. :) Cause they are. Kind of. :) We were practicing for the ball. I love dancing. I would rather go without food if it meant I could dance more. Waltz, swing, tango, etc. :) Reeeeally looking forward to the dance. :)

One last thing before I go. I believe that Halloween was created to give freaks an excuse to do what they normally do, and it was created to terrorize people like me. Driving through down town Medford in the dark, my heart was a wreck: Pounding at red light, and gripping the wheel tightly the rest of the time. While stopped at a stop light I imagined I saw a group of guys moving towards my car. I indiscreetly dialed 9-1 and paused over the 1. "I have a sharp pencil in the glove compartment." And other such insanities. :P I just really don't like Halloween.



I'm continuing to get everything squared away for the trip. I. can't. wait! Still scared, but God will take care of it. I mean it's not like I'm going to go to the wrong college, or I'm going to marry the wrong guy. I'm going to go to the perfect college and marry the perfect guy. For me. Because it's God's plan for my life. And all that He does is perfect.

Once again, Lemonade actually sounds really good right now. Water will just have to suffice....... oOo! Analogy? I think so. :)

P.S. Just so none of you get any ideas, my mom was the one who sent me that email. :) :)

Trying to blog but my brain is fuzzy. A cup of hot coco should do the trick. Beeee baaaack soooon.

Long, languid day...

Take off the coat. Go to the mirror. Take the clips out of your hair and watch as wisps begin to come out. Remove the pins and let your hair fall down around your face and over your shoulders. Your head breathes again as you comb the curly tangled mess till it regains some of its order. What is it about undoing your hair that is so relaxing. After an evening of skating, this menial task was more relieving than I had imagined.

Errands are rather bothersome things when you're by yourself. Lemons, rice, and rice cakes are well and all, but the procuring of them is never an adventure. If anything it can be an embarrassment. If you're me, it is. I can never figure out how to carry them. Shall I hold the awkward bag of lemons under one arm, the bag of rice in one hand, and the rice cakes in another? No, that doesn't work. What if I switch the order? What results is a slightly awkward girl shifting the groceries back and forth.

Skating is nice. I only fell once! :) :) However, when I did fall, I fell right on my rear and back so much pain was inflicted. A small bruise is starting to form. I cut my hand once when taking off the skates. Overall it was a huge success. It was so wonderful to see the Goldman's. Nothing ever changes. I like them. Especially Anna. She is such a sweet girl. :)

Home. I have one. It's so indescribably comforting to come home. Soon I will have a new home. What will that be like? Am I excited? You bet! Am I ready to be out of Medford? Isn't that what I've been telling myself this whole time. But If I wanted to be honest. I mean, really really honest, then I would say:

I'm scared. I'm actually terrified. 

The excitement is enough to counter that, but, at the same time.... My life is going to completely change. I won't, but my life will. Hanging out with the Goldman's reminded me of that. I will cling desperately to people, but in the end, God chooses who stays in my life and who doesn't. He's the one who decides. I'm happy that my fate is in the one absolute, perfect, being who loves me more than anyone. But If I wanted to be honest. I mean, really really honest, then I would say:

I'm scared. I'm actually terrified. 

Only with God's strength will I let go of those he tells me to. If he doesn't tell me to, you can bet I'll hold on with my life. This isn't for any one person. This is for everyone in my life. People move on. I'll move on. With Him. Always with Him.

I apologize for making no sense. I'm a bit weary. Well, you know what they say:

Strength comes in the morning. Lemonade sounds really good right now. :)

It's funny how God can use things in your life that you considered a bother to help others. For instance as I watched the incredibly beautiful and talented Rachel Warren and the equally talented and beautiful Jordon ;) I saw Spence and me. I knew exactly how they were feeling and could help try to make things less awkward. I'm not saying that to help someone you need to do what they're doing, but it was really nice to be able to know  exactly how they were feeling. All in all, it was wonderful. P.S. Sarah is the cutest thing ever. Seriously! I like her a lot. :) 

Now, I'm sitting on the "holy" couch with mom planning out the itinerary for the east coast trip. To think! I will be in D.C. next Wednesday. I'm reeeeeally excited. I'll get to see some friends at Emory & Henry and PHC, as well as go to Covenant Life next sunday (not this coming one). I sincerely hope God makes it very clear where he wants me to go to college.

My deepest apologies for the absence of my usual randomness. I guess I could try to be random.

1.) School is fun, even when you're doing it and *3.0x10^8 m/sec.
2.) Sleep is good, now that I remember what that is.
3.) So is food. I forgot what it was for a few days but I had some this morning and I've decided to make a habit of it. At least twice, maybe even three times a day. I guess they say it's good for you or something.

*Speed of light

Well, I'm going to go do something. Yeah. :)

It rained today. The skies opened the floodgates and let all the emotion it has been storing up during the summer fall out and drench the earth. It made it very hard to drive to and from rehearsal. 

"Can someone just say the cue so the cute little girl can say her line"

There is something very comforting about having an adorable blonde five-year old snuggled in your lap looking up at you with big brown eyes, and an equally sweet eight-year old, snuggled up next to you. It makes you feel warm inside and forget everything else for a while. 


I was driving home from rehearsal and I heard the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. It's apparently from the movie Fireproof. I loved the lyrics, but I needed to make some changes to them:


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But (with His strength) patiently, I will wait


(with His strength) I will move ahead, bold and confident
(with His strength) Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
(with His strength) I will serve You
While I'm waiting
(with His strength) I will worship
While I'm waiting
(with His strength) I will not faint
I'll be running the race (with His strength)
Even while I wait

I love songs like these but If I don't have the Lord's strength guiding me and carrying me each step, I will fall apart.

I need to redefine my life, and I will.

With His Strength

I randomly opened to this passage a few minutes ago and was brought to tears...

My little model :)