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It would be
silly of me to say that there are no words to describe all that I wish to
communicate, and then proceed to do just that which I said I could not. Yet, it
should be noted that the words I use to express my thoughts in this post are
entirely insufficient in communicating all that I wish to.
A bit of
context: I recently went to Alabama for an event called the Whatley Stew
Cookin. It’s been held every year for the past 18 years of so. The Whatley
family opens their home for a day and serves gallons upon gallons of stew and
pounds of barbecue to at least a couple hundred people. Food never runs out. I
was blessed with the opportunity to drive down with some amazing individuals
and help set up the day before. The event itself was spectacular, and I had
some (surprisingly) tasty hors d’oeuvres. ;)
The lessons I
learned are innumerable, but I will try to extrapolate on one.
Being around godly men inspires a young
woman to godliness. Here
at college, I have the great privilege of knowing some of the most amazing
young guys I have ever met. There are so many here who love the Lord with all
their hearts and seek to pursue him in everything they do. They honor and
respect women, and yet are still super fun to be around. That alone has been
entirely refreshing. However, like the young ladies on campus, these young guys
are still learning to be men.
In the same way
that I have a countless amount of lessons to learn before I rid myself of some
of the immaturities that hint of girlhood, most of the guys here have a long
way to go before they will ever be more man than boy. I could go on for much
longer about how important it is for girls to treat boys as men, with respect
etc, but that is for another time. Some students, mostly in the junior and
senior class, are much further along than us underclassmen.
In Alabama, for the first time I believe, I interacted
with what I consider to be real men. Men of upstanding character, who honor
women immensely, who work hard without complaining and without being prompted.
I met men who were able to be strong, authoritative, and even forceful when
interacting with other men or setting up things for the event. The next moment
they were tenderly kissing their wives and playing with their children. Even
back in Oregon, this kind of man is usually nowhere to be found. Let me make it
clear that this kind of character does not depend on occupation. While it is
easier to see the strong manliness of one who is employed in manual labor, I
was able to see the same kind of character in lawyers, and even a senator who
was at the Cookin.
Seeing this
example of godliness was more than refreshing. It was inspiring. I finally was
meeting men like my father (if you know me well at all, you will know that I
honestly believe my father to be the most hard-working, wise, loving, honorable,
strong, godly man in the world, and I have never met anyone like him…until this
weekend). It was encouraging to know that I could set my standards on someone
like that, knowing that men with such character really do exist.
I can already
hear my critical guy friends (who I love ;) :)) saying all sorts of things
about how girls should not set their standards outrageously high, because no
young man will ever live up to the challenge, and both parties will be
disappointed. Or perhaps, the problem is in how women will wait forever for a
man like that, while never giving him any encouragement expecting him to do all
of the initiating in any sort of relationship.
I have three
things to say to this. 1) I absolutely believe girls should never lower their
standards or settle for a man of less than upstanding character merely because
there seems to be no such man. I have seen them. I know y’all exist out there somewhere.
;) Likewise, I think men should desire women of strong character. If both sexes
set their standards in such a way, perhaps there would be more motivation on
both ends to become that stronger people. 2) If a girl likes a young man, there
is no reason she should hide in her room and lock the door, then wait for him
to come bursting through (this I believe is the more conservative Christian
approach). On the opposite end, I have seen far too many girls throw themselves
at young men. There is a balance. I have no idea how to explain it, but what’s
important is that I recognize it is there. 3) I don’t pretend to have all the
answers, or even most of the answers. I am an infant in matters such as these.
What I do have is the beginnings of a foundation for rethinking my views on men
and relationships.
In a journalism
article, you’re supposed to put the most relevant thing at the top, that way if
people don’t read the entirety of your story, they will still get the important
stuff. Unfortunately, I did not hold to that model in this post. What I am to
conclude with is the most important thing I learned. I can only pray to God that
my meaning and purpose is not lost behind the thick curtain of language and
ill-phrased ideas.
For the first
time, I realized what kind of man I wanted to be desirable to. All other
examples faded away when I witnessed men of such godliness working hard to
bring glory to God’s kingdom.
But then I realized I should not seek to become honorable so that I may be desirable to other godly men.
But then I realized I should not seek to become honorable so that I may be desirable to other godly men.
Rather, it is absolutely necessary that I
become a godly woman so that I may be
desirable to the only being in the world that matters. I should desire the
fruit of the spirit because it is that kind of woman that God desires as his
daughter.
God should not
only be the means to achieving what I wish, but also the end. His opinion is
the only one that truly matters. If I have pleased God, there is no other
satisfaction that can ever compare, no reward so precious or so desirable, than
that of serving God. Being around the kind of men that I have described,
revealed to me a clearer image of God, and led me to realize just how important
it is to place him at the forefront of every thought, ambition, and desire. So
thank you so much.
Don’t think this
doesn’t apply to young men as well, because I think the same could be said of
them.
Thank you so
much for listening to my rant. :)
Blessings,
Belle
In addendum:
I’ve given this a lot of thought. My ideas are influenced by many serious
circumstances that the Lord has placed in my life. Since this wasn’t a
conversation, there are probably some things that seem questionable. Though I
feel inadequate in sharing anything of great wisdom, if you have any further
questions, don’t hesitate to email me at idinablueyes@gmail.com.
These ideas were also based on a lecture given by Dr. Anthony Esolen. It was one of the best lectures I've heard, and I would encourage everyone to listen to it.
You can view it here: The Person As Gift
5 Comments
"If I have pleased God, there is no other satisfaction that can ever compare, no reward so precious or so desirable, than that of serving God." Amen and Amen! Thanks for this, Belle.
As you said yourself, "My ideas are influenced by many serious circumstances that the Lord has placed in my life." So, you don't have merely an opinion. This post has many truths, and there are people I'm going to send it to.
Moreover, I agree with your emphasis on the man's role. I believe if more men were men (good brothers, fathers) then more women would be women. I do believe all consequences, whether good or ill, circle back to the male authority, whether he fills it or not. I'll be the first to say most social problems would be cured if men were men. Additionally, while it is good for both men and women to have standards for their future spouses, the man is uniquely placed in the "go and win" role. Your standards for him, then, may be more consequential than his for you (I am an infant in this department as well).
Your last point, is, indeed, the best one. And it includes men as well. Great post!
This is awesome! I am a new follower! One of the pages I liked on FB shared this post, and I am so glad they did!
Your introspection and careful thought to this monumental matter are priceless. Thank you for sharing your heart and reminding me of who I am waiting for and Who I am preparing for!
Thank you all so much for your encouragement. Libbi and Mikaela, thank you so much for taking the time to read this, since you aren't normal followers. :)
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