What do you do when you feel called to something so very much, and opportunities aren't arising, and instead doors are opening for something you kind of feel called for?

I love acting. I'm sorry. But I love it passionately, 

and yet..... 

::laughs:: I'm too used to wanting to form immediate plans. I just need to wait. :P :)

Again. 

::laughs:: Sorry for rambling. ;) :) 

What a dilema this is!

Posted on

Friday, October 8, 2010

Read through Redeeming Love tonight

Again

And sobbed

Again

P.S. mostly my favorite parts


Working on DI

Posted on

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I think Lemons is my new swear word. ;) :) Well, more like the word I'll say when I'm upset.

I am forever in this balance between overjoyed and overwhelmed and I switch between these without warning. It's silly to be overwhelmed because God is in control so whenever I'm overwhelmed I stop what I'm doing, give it to God, and then either bake, play piano, or collage. Tonight I decided to bake.

After 2 hours of preparation and creating, my "Fresh Apple Cupcakes with Almond Streusel" were finally in the oven. Once they had been tucked safely away, I realized that substituting 2 Tb. of Almond Extract or 2 Tb. of Armaretto would make the cupcakes much too strong. My mother had been the one to suggest the substitution so naturally I jumped on her. I was frustrated, selfish, and arrogant to place all the blame on her. Five minutes after a near breakdown, I realized how awful I had been (now granted, I hadn't yelled, or done anything, I had just calmly placed the blame on her, however I'm not sure which is worse). I called her, once again close to break down because of how sorry I felt. The condition was only made worse when I realized she had gone out to get a mini bottle of Armaretto.

All that to say, while today has been a lovely day, I decided to make this evening into lemons. I could have let it go, but I didn't Why do I share my shortcomings with you? I'm not sure. I think it's more a reminder to me about how much I need God's grace and patience.

::sighs:: There now. I've gotten that out of the way, and I'm going to stay up another few hours and conquer these things. I have to study in the morning and run and such, I'm a mess of flour and frustration, but God is so good. :) :) :)

Time to get my cupcake on.

:)


Aw! Lemons!!!!

Posted on

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I wonder if.....

I wonder when..... 

I wonder why.....

However, I have no time to wonder. I just have time for what's in front of me. What's calling my name. 

Hot coco

:)


Yep

Posted on

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A cup of hot chocolate
~
Staying up till 10:00
~
Watching a part of a movie 
~
Straightening my room
~
This is how I celebrate finishing off the first semester
~
Books I've read this semester (usually 18 weeks, completed in 9):

  1. Westminster Confession of Faith -Divines
  2. Pilgrims Progress -John Bunyan
  3. Of Plymouth Plantation -William Bradford
  4. The Social Contract -Jean-Jaques Rousseau
  5. The Constitution/Articles/Declaration -Founding Fathers
  6. Selected Federalist and Anti-Federalist Papers and Speeches -Patrick Henry/Jay/Hamilton/Madison
  7. Tale of Two Cities -Charles Dickens
  8. Macbeth -Shakespeare
  9. Crazy Love -Francis Chan (Just for fun)
Books I'll read this coming semester (hopefully finished by Christmas):
  1. Reflections of a Revolution -Edmund Burke
  2. Uncle Tom's Cabin -Harriet Beecher Stowe
  3. Lincoln's Speeches -Lincoln
  4. Killer Angels -Michael Shaara 
  5. The Communist Manifesto -Karl Marx
  6. The Treaty of Versailles -Various
  7. The Great Gatsby -Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald 
  8. Mein Kampf -Adolf Hitler
  9. The Real Lincoln -Thomas DiLorenzo (Just for fun)
I praise the Lord for continually giving me the strength to pour myself into my studies. I'm also doing speech. Luckily my DI is done and just needs editing. I'm behind on my cards, but I'm not too terribly worried. The deal with apologetics is that I'm pursuing it more to advance my understanding and passion for the Lord rather than pursue it in heavily in competition. Math and Science are normal. I'm assistant directing It's A Wonderful Life at NMHS. The read through was today and went swimmingly. I have now officially applied to 4 of my 7 colleges, and I'm studying heavily for SATs which will take place in Grants Pass. 
~
Why do I tell you this? Because I want to show you that all of this means nothing in the scope of things. This post is just as much for your entertainment as it is a remainder to me to never lose sight of what really matters: Bringing glory to my glorious wonderful ineffable creator. He is the one who gives me strength each day, even when I wake up and am at a loss as to how I will ever make it through the day. Don't get me wrong. I love how much I'm learning. I love cramming my head with as many concepts as I can, but it is also exhausting. :) However, God provides all the strength I will ever need, and more. :) :) I love Him so very dearly. :)
~
I'm currently finalizing the plans to a little excursion I'll be taking. As soon as the details are concrete I'll share them with y'all. Another note: All the encouraging emails have been so very helpful. I love you all so dearly! God bless!!! :) :) :)
~
<3


An Update (boring, I apologize) :)

Posted on

Monday, October 4, 2010

That sounds creepy. But I seriously love kids! :) <3


This is my "uncle's" daughter. :)
 (he's not really my uncle, he's just my pretend uncle) 
She's so much fun. :)
(Sorry the quality is so bad)

I want a little girl

Posted on

Sunday, October 3, 2010


And so closes a chapter in my life. Whether I may ever open that chapter again is in God's hands not mine. I'll miss it so very terribly. I'm speaking of course of my current involvement in theatre. Tonight was closing night, also my last night in a show as an actor for quite some time. However, my passion and love was so strengthened and renewed that I sincerely hope my gracious and merciful father will grant it me again. All that to say it was a wonderful way to end.


Cast: 5 boys + 5 Girls = Tons of pandemonium, fun, things that aren't as enjoyable by conservative ones as myself ;) :) And so much love. :) :)

Jake Parker: Such a wonderful guy, calm guy. It was nice to hang out with him when I was too tired to be crazy with everyone else. ;) :)

Brandon: What could I do without his constant energy and smile. True, he's a bit wild, but it's a fun kind of wild. I'll really miss ya bud. :)

Bryant: Dear boy, I didn't get to know him as well as the others, but it was such a wonderful sight to see him grow out of his shell and do a rockin awesome job with the show. :)

Daved: My dear Daved. What a sweetheart. Whenever I wanted to escape the incessant crudity, all I had to do was sit by him. True he had his moments, but he was so encouraging. I adored working with him and watching our scene grow and develop (scene: A couple is getting ready to go home from ice skating, they're mad, no one knows why till the wife reminds her husband "happy aniversary." The scene ends with her walking offstage, practically in tears, divorce eminent). Oh and Daved! I don't know if you heard it as much as I did, but the general thing I got was, "I've been married ___ years, and I'm telling you it's scary how real you made it. You're too young to know and communicate that level of hurt." Saying this of both you and I. Way to go buddy! :)

Spencer: ::sighs:: My wonderful Spencer. It has been such a joy watching him grow into a talented young actor. I have loved his unique sense of professionalism, and the vigor with which he pursues each character. Our scene was so fantastically funny, and honestly, one of my favorite scenes, that I have ever done. (scene: a man finds a girl camped out on his yard. He finds out she is here to see the northern lights cause apparently she killed her husband by telling him that she didn't want him back. Oh, did I mention she carries her broken heart around in a bag. In the end he offers to fix her heart, they kiss, and fall in love...in that order. ;) :) ) I'm going to miss you so much! You are going to do wonderful things with you life 

Rachel: I wish I could go on and on about how wonderfully encouraging this girl is. She is always saying "I'm so proud of you" no matter how good you actually are. She was and is such an encouragement. <3

Kayla: I fear that theatre is slowly corrupting her. ;) :) But she is as dear and lovely as ever. Her strength in resisting is an inspiration. She also pretty much rocks at impromptu. Period. ;) :) <3

Sandra: My darling Sandra. She is 1) beautiful, 2) talented, 3) smart, 4) so much fun to talk to, the list goes on and on. I have always looked up to her, and am blessed to have her friendship. I really will miss her. :) <3

Kilee: AHHHH!!!!! Never have I seen as much adorable wrapped up into one gorgeous little person. She always puts a smile on your face. Looking at her, you just can't help it. I love you so very dearly, and wish you the best in everything you do. :)

Before I get to terribly emotional I will end with some quotes from the show, and tonight. 

Warning: We are a VERY tired bunch. ;) :)

1.) Boys: "Tell me I'm pretty" Other: "So pretty, so pretty"

2.) ::sung:: "1, 2, 3, 4, Penguins walking cross the floor"

3.) That's what she said!!!

4.) Me: "That doesn't even work." Jake: Just... don't...

5.) "Venting time!!!!!!"

6.) "What happened????" "I got in a fight" "Tell!!!!!!!" ::tells story for the 100th time. :)

From Tonight:

7.) "The ginger is eating ginger" "CANNIBALISM" "It's alright, it doesn't have a soul"

8.) Me: "Jake dear, you have a seriously ticked off boyfriend on your hands" Jake: "Which one?"

9.) Me: I just.....and then.....and I.... it's just.... AGH! Words!!!! 

10.) "It's like a blonde dating a ginger. It just doesn't work." "OOOOOOOOOH!"

11.) "I love you." "I love you too. I don't love Same."

12.) "If I was a ginger I'd date you." "I'm a ginger!!!!" ::pause:: "Yeah."

13.) "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I did not kiss your sister." "ummmmmm...... I'm staying out of this."



Almost, Maine

Posted on

Saturday, October 2, 2010

1.) My lips have been semi-permanently stained a slight wineish hue. :) Thanks theatre.

2.) I just saw the movie Invicutus, and I watched the whole thing. Thanks Mom.

3.) When I was little I would always sleep on my side. In this position I fell asleep every night to the sound of Captain Hooks steps getting closer and closer. Then I grew up a little and realized that it was the people in my nightmares. Then finally, I realized it was just my heart beat. Tonight as I lay down, I seriously thought someone was walking around outside, then I remembered it was just my heart.

Thanks imagination. :)

<3

P.S. I used to have a crush on hook. :)

Thanks :)