Just made caramel chamomile tea and served it with my new tea pot. Thanks Natalie!!!! :) <3

See Nat! It matches!!! :) :)

(3:00pm) What does one do when one is alone and has a couple hours to one's self? One cleans. "One's room?", you might ask? No. "One's kitchen and one's room?" Again, no. When one has a couple hours to one's self and needs to relax one vacuums, sweeps, and pledges the entire house. The four front rooms, the bathroom, the hall, and the entry way, so that one's mother will be pleasantly surprised upon her arrival. Does this make one weird? Perhaps. Does one care? No. 

Another weird thing. Apparently I suddenly have an addiction to Sudoku. Mom and Grandma tried to get me into it a while back, but It just never stuck. Suddenly I'm doing 5-6 puzzles a day. o.O And we aren't talking easy. We're talking Moderate and Demanding. Where did this come from? How long will it last? One has no idea. ;) :)

This morning I woke up at about 8:30. I was exhausted, but nightmare free. :) After forcing myself to open my eyes I went into my parents bathroom to wash my face so I could be alert enough to read my bible. I opened the curtains and ::gasp:: the lawn was covered in a beautiful soft thin blanket of white, and it was snowing. :) This morning went by as usual. Devotions, breakfast, 2 sudoku puzzles, then I got my hair cut, then headed out to grants pass to have lunch with Natalie.

I'll try to summarize. hmmm ::thinks:: Who am I kidding. ;) :) We went to lunch at this lovely place with incredible food (I swear I won't be able to eat for a day ;)). Then we drove into town, stopped off to get tea, then to evangel, then to this little old fashioned soda shop for a milkshake (for me) and a sundae (for her). Then I had to head home. I had such a lovely lovely time with Natalie. She has been such a huge encouragement, not to mention sooooo much fun to hang out with. She got me the most adorable little teapot as a going away present. It's a soft grass green, with a steeper and everything. It will go perfect with my green tea cup. Pictures will come soon. :D She's the best! :) <3

::sighs:: Oh mother. She is so sweet. Lately she's been overcompensating due to my going away in.... 9 days.... o.O oh boy. Anyway, so today she and daniel took down the tree while I was in Grants Pass. I came home to an empty but very beautiful clean living room. Then, about 30 minutes later she comes home with... what could it be? A new tree! ::laughs:: She was worried that I would be upset that I didn't get to help take it down. Luckily it was on sale, but we (my brother, my mom, and I) all had a good laugh about it. It was so very sweet of her. :) I love her dearly. (We're all a little scared about how my Dad will react.

Another thing. I love being able to confide in people. Mostly Nat, Meg, and Daniel. Friends are wonderful, but there's nothing like your own brother to lean on. Especially when he's an entire head taller than you. ;) :)

Well, that's enough. God bless and keep you all safe and very healthy. May you guard your way and heart according to his word. I love you all as Christ calls us to. :)

Please take care.
~Belle

P.S. Do you think I should get a new template or does this work?

I have so much on my mind I don't even know where to begin. :) The beginning usually is a good place to start..... A very good place to start. :) 

Summary: 

- Christmas: was lovely. Daniel and I slept in till 9:40.....sooooo lovely. :) This christmas was much smaller than usual, but mom and I can honestly say it was the best christmas ever. Daniel and I went all out on my parents. It was pretty awesome. I got a giant very very fluffy bumble bee, and the tangled sound track among a few other small things here and there, but those two were my favorite. :)


-Best Christmas Present Ever: It was mom's turn to open a present so Daniel fished under the tree and pulled out a cylindrical looking object and handed it to my mother. It was from Dad. Mom took off the top bit of wrapping to reveal one of her own mason jars. "oOo! I get my own jam" she teased. However after removing all the wrapping paper, we saw that it was empty with a bunch of different colored slips of paper. Mom unscrewed the top and as she read the strips allowed, she started crying (which isn't altogether surprising, but even I thought it was wonderful). Here's what the colorful coupons read:

Wow, I don't even know where to begin. The last couple of days have been incredibly busy, and a wee bit stressful. Most of it is self-inflicted. ;) :) I'm usually most alert when I'm cleaning the kitchen. There have been so many times when I'm washing a plate or sweeping the floor, and suddenly I think of a wonderful analogy for life. However, I've been trying to not post quite as much. Only post every couple of days. Another thing is posting when I see other people posting that way I don't become a compulsive poster. :) I suppose I could start with an update. Warning: This is going to be a long one because of everything that's been going on. :)


I last posted on monday and while I could take time to rave about the ball, I don't really have the brain capacity to think that far back. All I remember is that my favorite dance was my first one with the best dance partner Devin Kruse (he's tagged in the video on facebook), my feet really hurt by the end of the dance, and I should have never gone to Shari's and stayed up till 2:30. Big mistake. 

Monday: You know what I love about winter? It really doesn't matter what shirt you wear, as long as you have a stylish warm winter coat. So even though I had an appointment at 10:00 after an incredibly late night, all I had to do was roll out of bed at 9:30, grab a sweatshirt, pull on my lovely new black coat and a pair of jeans, and I was out the door (I've been getting into the habit of wearing make-up only when I have to. Let's not even talk about my hair. :)) After my appointment I drove to the store, got some ingredients, and made cookies.

Snow Drop Cookies

The rest of the day was spent with daisy in my lap with "Mary Queen of Scotland and the Isles," a dramatized retelling of Queen Mary. I really have so much respect for her. I guess this day wasn't all that stressful. :) That night the family watched a couple episodes of Psych. :)

For all of you girls who love hearing about the fashion bits, here's how I tried to look christmasy without overdoing it or taking any time. I wore a dark cranberry dress/shirt over an olive green cami, with a brown belt, leggings, and black boots. A tiny bit of mascara, a darker lip, and curling just the bottom of my hair, made the appearance quick, easy, and without looking over done (I hope :)). Two more make-up things: One- if you want to go dramatic either pick the eyes or the lips. If you do a smoke eye with a dark lip, I've head, it can look over done. So just pick one to play with. :) Two: This is definitely the season for darker lips. I'm not talking black, but if you can find a dark cranberry, or a fitting purple (more redish purple, not barney purple. ;) :)) it can really pull a whole look together. :)

The party really was lovely, and after we came home we watched an episode of Psych. I am not completely worn out and though I would love to talk about all the different analogies I have thought of, this post is already quite long enough, and it's high time I go to bed. Busy next couple of days, but hopefully both mom and I will be able to really rest before we have to start getting ready for my departure. I leave in two weeks from Friday (which is in 6 minutes).


Speaking of which, there will be a short little gathering before we leave for the airport Friday afternoon before I leave at my house. Details to come. :) 

Sometime very soon I am going to post about how absolutely incredible God is.

He is so good.

And so forgiving. 

::sighs:: 

I love you all.

Always praying. 

Always Hoping.

In God we trust.

Alone.

(Sorry about the weird spacing)

Sunsets. Almost every girl I've ever talked to, whether they are romantics or not, are willing to admit that there is something special about watching a sunset with your loved one.

Walking on the beach as the sun slips over the horizon, the last bits of light playing and dancing on the waves that quietly lap at the shore line. The wind gathers up her hair as they walk in silence, hand in hand. Neither one of them say a word, and yet nothing needs to be said. Everything is seen in the way they look at each other. 

However, while I love sunsets, they can't compare to the beauty of a sunrise. Some might say that they are pretty much the same thing, but it isn't a sunrises outward appearance that I find so appealing. Rather it's the application that a rising sun gives. A setting sun signifies an end. Those last bits of light signify the last bits of hope, before a bit of your world is encased in darkness. A sunset is an end. However, a rising sun signifies a beginning. Darkness covers all, but just when you think that the end has been set in stone, suddenly a burst light springs over the hilltops. Your breath catches as you watch as the sun stretches, yawns, then shines it's face on the world, filling it with light and hope. A sunset closes, ends. A sunrise begins.

Then of course there's that moment in time, the snap shot of a sun peaking over the horizon. Is it setting? Is it rising? Is this an end? Is this a beginning? You can't tell. Perhaps it's the beginning of an end. The last door closing. But maybe, (and you pray and hope that it's the case) just maybe, it's a fresh start. A new beginning. A sunrise.

"What a christmas this is turning out to be! Dad's back! Now Daniel tore his meniscus and might need surgery! There's all the stuff going on with me! I'm headed off to college! ERRRGGGHHH"

Mom gently corrected me telling me that I needed to, like my wise father, put things in perspective. I can't properly convey the wisdom and calmness with which she spoke, I can only communicate the effect it had on me.

I realized a lot of my life is spent worrying over very silly petty things. Will I have enough money to go to college? Will I be able to stay well? Will anyone ever love me? What if I marry the wrong guy? What if I'm going to the wrong college? The last few months have been spent in constant worry. I am not trusting God at all. I've always known that this has been an issue. In essence everyone who gets worried to the point of obsession is lacking God's trust but it wasn't until today that it hit me just how far I have fallen in trusting Him. All these things that I want to hold to, and worry about, and stress over; they are all part of His plan. His glorious, unknowable plan for my life. I can only see my life and the world through my two very very very very tiny little eyes. I need to put things in perspective. This life is not about me, but every time I worry and I try to focus on what I need and what I want and what I will make me happy, I lose sight of the true joy and the true happiness that I can only find through Jesus Christ.

Sorry, that thought process was a bit jumbled and was really hard to communicate, but it needed saying.

Joy comes in the morning. A promise I hold fast to. 

I'm headed out to skating in Ashland at an outdoor ring. Thank the Lord for a busy weekend.

I'm going to do a bit on sunrises vs. sunsets later.

Sunday afternoon. Dad and I lean over tangles and messes of christmas lights. Somehow he sees order in the chaos and picks out which lights go where. I really have no idea how he does it. Soon enough, however, I'm leaning over a long string of lights on sticks, and driving the sticks into the ground along the "south side planter." We plug the lights in and notice that about 6 of them are dead. Or are they? Dad says to wiggle them around to make sure they're screwed all the way in. I start with the one closest to the road. After some twisting and turning it suddenly bursts with light, right there in my hand. It felt so good to make something light up like that. Sure enough about half the lights were working just fine. After replacing the ones that were dead we discovered a problem with one of the fixtures. It seemed that it was broken. Dad took the good ole WD40 on it and cleaned it up. I watched him as he twisted the bulb carefully in place. It still would not light. We knew it was a new bulb. Dad tried twisting it hard when... SMASH! The bulb shattered into a million pieces.

I realized humans are like that. We all can function. We can all light up a someone's world. But if that someone, or if anything else happens and we are dealt with harshly we shatter. Just like that. Into a million pieces. And there's nothing we can do about our shattered little selves but wait for someone to come and put us back together again. Of course we won't ever be able to light up the same way, but if you get the right person, and the right amount of care, we may just sparkle like we once did...... Enough of this. It's depressing. :P :) :) :) :)

After scrambling about looking for extra sticks and checking all the light bulbs the south planter is done and the front of our house is starting to twinkle. Next it was up... up... Up... on the rooftop and around the edge of the roof and soon our house was looking like a dazzling array of magic and sparkle. I can't wait to bring out the reindeer. ;) :) :)

***
I had an odd dream last night. In broad prospective it wasn't that odd. Just a typical nightmare in which I run, but this was different. As you read on, please be aware that I have dreams like this often and have gotten used to them. This one was just a lot different than usual.

Usually, I always start out with a large group of people (the worser ones are when I'm with people I love), and then after I've been running a while I find I am by myself. The people I'm running from are usually trying to kill me. Either by shooting at me or kidnapping me. I have never been caught. I've gotten to a "safe place" once. Other than that I've always awakened in the middle of running.

Last night, I was in a place very much like bethel church, a church that sits on the side of the hill. The side of the hill itself was heavily wooded and steep, at the bottom was a river. Across that river was a fence. Across that fence was a field of marsh. I don't know what lay beyond that. At the beginning of my dream I didn't know this, but you'll see how I found out.          
                                                                                                                      
The dream started out as normal. I was surrounded by people I loved. Lots of small children I had previously taught in sunday school, as well as most of the younger siblings of my friends, as well as some older very dear friends. We were there for some conference, and I was supposed to be helping serve food. I had a group of young ones helping me carry plates of food to the empty tables. I knew there were other people in the building. You could hear them through the walls, loud and obnoxious. Suddenly, without warning I saw them begin to pour out the side of the building along the street that ran across the hill and seemingly around the hill. I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. A certain terror rose to my throat, and I knew I had to get the kids out of there. The children and I ran outside with the great throng of people. We were almost to a safe place safe when I turned and I realized someone I loved was still back in the church. I turned and to my horror I saw the place in flames. Someone had sent up a small explosion that had set the place on fire.

I ran as fast as I could against the tide of people searching for my friend, but I couldn't distinguish any one face clearly. By the time I got back to the church I was alone. Everyone had fled. I ran in through the part of the church that was charred but not on fire. I flipped over boards as my stomach sank into my feet. Luckily everyone had escaped. Everyone but me. I ran out to the patio and looked over the side of the hill, over the forrest. I turned and nearly screamed. There was someone standing behind me. Several feet away. Stock still. I knew this person. I had seen this person before, but this person had been altered almost beyond recognition. She smiled, and terror filled ever part of me. This person came at me. I jumped over the balcony and landed on my side.

I rushed into the woods, running, tripping, skidding down the side of the hill, all the while terror caught in my throat. I could hear the person behind me as I skidded through the trees. I abruptly came to the edge of the woods and almost teetered into the rushing river. I looked behind me and could see the person moving at lightening speed toward me. Without a second thought I dove in, but my head never went under the water (that's the weird thing about dreams. They don't make sense when it comes to logistics). I started swimming to the other side. I wanted to see if the person was still following me. I turned and there she was, on the side of the river bank, grinning. She had a small bomb in her hands (I've  never seen a really bomb, but I know what the cartoon ones look like so that's what it was. All the same it was terrifying). The person laughed and threw it to the other side of the river. I now could choose between death by the person or death by explosion. I made my choice.

I swam down stream with the current, knowing I had little time left. When I figured I was a good distance away I swam to the opposite side (from where the person had been standing), and climbed up onto the bank, but I had no time to rest. Gripping my sides I ran/trudged as fast as I could through heavy underbrush. Knowing I was running out of time. I was covered in filth, but I didn't seem to feel it. I scratched myself while climbing carefully through the strings of barbed wire that served as a fence. Then suddenly in my head I seemed to realize I was about to die, I forced myself to run just a little bit longer....

3..... 2..... 1.....

It's hard to see but this is me trying to smile.  :)

Why is it that most girls like weak, "sensitive" guys? 

This was the question a friend posed to me earlier this afternoon. I found it a fascinating question simply because it made two claims that I really don't believe to be true. First of all I'm not sure if "most girls" are attracted to weak young men. Secondly he paired weak with "sensitive," as if the two were a bad thing. I currently don't have the brain power to really attack either of these two claims (I have a headache), however I want to add one thought to the second claim: "sensitive" should not be paired with weak. Just because a young man is capable of being gentle and kind to others should discredit his strength. I know very few guys who can be strong and "sensitive" at the same time. I think it a very commendable quality. About as high as drive. (For those of you who know me I respect drive more than most qualities).

Enough about that. Life hasn't changed much since I last posted. Still working on school almost all the time. That is when I'm not trying to convert a darn aiff wave file into an mp3. :P Which by the way I ended up sending successfully in a file all it's own.

Thanksgiving was lovely. There about a little less than 50 people, and more food than I have ever seen. I can honestly say it was one of the best thanksgivings. I could bore you with all the details, but I'll save you. ;) :) Let's just say there was lots of music, lots of ping pong, and tons of happiness. :)

I continue to have a headache. The origin is unknown but I suspect it's still part of my thanksgiving hangover. Other than that and a sore throat plus a little tiredness, I'm doing wonderfully well.

Last point of business, the Portland trip: It's kind of driving me crazy. One day it's on, another it's off. At this point my mom and I may or may not be heading up there the weekend of the 12th to do last minute shopping. The Phelps might come with us, but that hasn't been confirmed. I'll try to keep y'all updated on that.

I really wish I had more to say other than just relaying events of my life. In a way it seems so.... menial. I don't know if that's the right word, but it seemed to fit.

Anyway, I am amazed at the Lord's forgiveness. That's been a real issue for me lately. I know that God forgives all sin. I know that it is arrogant to think that there exists a sin too big for God to forgive. I know that I am not saved by works but through faith. However, I am confused since a child of God shall be known by their fruit. So how can I be a child of God if I make a conscious decision to choose sin over God's will? However, this borders on assuming that God can't forgive my sin because of the condition in which it was made, which I already know is arrogant to assume..... yeah, that was a bit of a ramble. Anywho. Slowly plugging away. If you have any thoughts I'd love to hear them. :)

Well that's all.

God is good.

Goodnight.

"I search frantically. Running up to the loft, checking all the dressing rooms. Checking them again. She had been right by me less than 30 seconds ago. Running out into the dimly lit auditorium I see a tiny blonde head poking up from behind the seat. My heart slows I quickly make my way through the rows and take the small girl in my arms. "Darling, what's wrong?" "They laughed at me" ::laughing softly:: "That's because you said something funny love. You were funny. It's a good thing." ::forlornly:: "It is?" Me: ::nods:: Her: ::jumping up:: "I want to go say something funny again!" <3 <3 <3 <3

Wow............. So I failed. So very sorry. Not that I have a huge adoring fan base who has missed my absence, but a girl can dream. Not. ::laughs:: Wow. I'm out of it.

So I figured I would split this into three sections: Past, Present, and Future


Past: Quick summary of all the colleges.

The house we stayed while at E&H

Emory & Henry had a gorgeous campus. It was raining but it was still completely stunning. The tour guide was adorable, and the teachers that I spoke with were incredibly smart. One of the professors I spoke with actually has written/edited one of the main law books that Yale and Harvard etc. require their law students to study. However, the students weren't appealing, and the general feel just wasn't right for me.

On the Annapolis Wharf

St. John's is situated in Annapolis, the cutest town I have ever seen in my life. There

Paying hommage to my uncle <3

are not words to describe how perfect Annapolis was. It was just darling!!! The college itself was incredible. It was gorgeous, perfect student-teacher ratio (there are 400 students enrolled), the classes are incredible and all lecture based, and the teachers are more like tutors. After visiting there, I knew no other school would compare as far as the check-list of what I wanted went. However, again, something didn't feel quite right. It might have been the students, but I'm not specifically sure.

Chilling. Literally. ;) :)

Hillsdale was next, and while it had a bigger campus, an old fashioned library, and a bell tower on top of their admissions building, the school reminded me too much of my high school, just a lot more advanced.


Patrick Henry College. Oh wow. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it was the. The students, the teachers. The campus is tiny, but then so is the number of students (400) so there really isn't a problem. I met Tamara Black and Betsy Reich. I absolutely adore them both. This was the school I decided on. I seriously can't WAIT to go. Almost.... I'll explain in a bit. :)

Present: 

It's A Wonderful Life just closed tonight. My official duties? Kid wrangler. I had the pleasure of watching two ten year-old boys, a seven year-old girl, and a little blonde (mentioned above) five year-old. It was heaven for me. No doubt, my hands were full, and there were several times when I came to rehearsal completely worn out, but when you have four little children tugging at you, the youngest looking at you with those beautiful brown eyes saying "I want to pway cops and wobbers" you just can't resist.

School is really intense right now. In the past couple days I finished Killer Angels, I've read several of Abraham Lincoln's speeches, and just finished The Communist Manifesto. I'm charging through physics and pre-calc like none other, and have been fine tuning my essay for english. The good news is I have three books left in history (The Treaty of Versailles, Mein Kampf, and The Great Gatsby), two more meetings for Pre-Calc, three for Physics, and my english ends at the end of the semester, so I should be done with school about a week before Christmas, which brings me to....

Future: 


I'M GOING TO COLLEGE IN JANUARY!!!!!!!  I'm officially scared. For the first time in my life I'm actually nervous about something. This isn't like the tiny little butterflies I get before speaking to a large group of butterflies, or even like the nervous stomach flips I get before taking a test. This is straight on fear. The Lord is behind me though, giving me the strength to make it through each day. If I try to look to the future, I become overwhelmed, but If I look to each day, it's just enough. If you know me really well you'll know how huuuuge that is for me. :)

Went to the State Capitol in MD, just for funsies. :)

Thanksgiving is going to be awesome! I'm making a bunch of desserts, and we are going to go to the Kruses house. The AGK clan will all be there, along with another family from Christ Covenant Church. There's going to be about 50 people. ::grins:: I'm soooo excited.


A Portland trip is near in my future. At one point everything had been finalized, but now I'm actually not sure what is going to happen. The different options are as follows. ONE: Mom, Mrs. Phelps, Dev, Bren, and I all drive up to Portland on thursdayish, maybe take some senior pictures, hang out, complete the circle (Dev and I + our moms went to Portland when I was in 7th grade for a "becoming a young woman" retreat thing, just by ourselves). Etc. Then we go to church sunday morning, and drive home after. TWO: Mom and I go up by ourselves on Friday eveningish, do some shopping on Saturday for college stuff (cause Medford is lame and doesn't have a "linens & things" or "Bed, Bath, and Beyond").
Then we go to church sunday morning, and drive home after. THREE: Daniel and I drive up Saturday morning, have some last sister-brother bonding time. Then we go to church sunday morning, and drive home after.

We're not sure which church we would go to. While we'd like to go to a certain one, we aren't sure if it's allowed, but we can't exactly make any calls, literally and figuratively. So that is in real limbo. The dates are either going to be the weekend of the 12th, or the weekend of the 19th. I don't know if it matters, but we'll see.

Waiting behind a gorgeous church in Annapolis

So. That was a lot. :) But that's what happens when I go this long without posting. My life is kinda crazy as usual but it goes on. I cry out to God for strength.

"Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me. Bless His holy name." -Psalm 1:103

"I got you down! And it killed you! And you're dead!" -Justine (7 yr. old)

"Me: I want to see my.... my.... my.... whatever he is" "Your fella?" -Doty  

This was taken a few days ago, but I figured I would post it anyway. :)

Warning: It's just me talking for about 5 minutes about the few days preceding the day I took this.

Safe in San Fransisco! I'll try to post some point tomorrow evening when I get home, or by Monday at some point. :) :)

Tribute to Uncle Clint! <3

Well, this is going to be another straight forward update:

Saturday we hit the road at about 11:30 and made it to Gaithersburg, Maryland by 6ish. We stopped for starbucks which was nice. However:

I got a caramel frap. I haven't had one of those for quite some time and my stomach had a minor meltdown. All that to say, I won't be having any for a while. :P :)

Sunday we woke up and went to Covenant Life: Josh Harris's church and listened to an excellent message on "Being sober-minded and self-controlled for the sake of your prayers." The worship was gorgeous and everyone was incredibly friendly. :) After church we drove about 45 minutes to Annapolis. I absolutely adore Annapolis. It's a darling darling town! We're staying in a hotel that was established in 1776. I could go on and on about how cute it is, but I'll spare you. :) Tomorrow we visit St. John's!!!!

That's all for now. :)