I got out of bed on the wrong side today. This makes sense because the right side is shoved against my wall so getting out of bed that direction would include me running into a wall. Not that I haven't done that before, but all the same. 


Funny how it's most often all the little things that get under your skin. Ya know? Like you wake and as you're walking out the door still half asleep, you bang your foot against the wall. Then maybe later, you, oh I don't know, run into a door. Or your bangs get cut too short. Or you spend all afternoon working on one thing, and then realize that all your work was pointless because you can't use it. Overall it was a good day, but as you slink to bed, all you can think of is your aching head, your stubbed toe, and the mass amount of documents you had to delete. It's times like these when you have to.....juice the lemon and try to make as much lemonade as you can. BUT! What if you lost the recipe?????? Then you just have a bunch of lemon juice lying around. What are you supposed to do with a bunch of lemon juice? Beats me. 


::grins:: Ok, so I'm being a bit melodramatic.....Ok, so I'm being a lot melodramatic. =D However, what if.......


You go to bed and you feel that the day had no purpose. It was just one hour after another. 


Looking back:
~A lot was accomplished
~I started the day out with the Lord
~The Lord gave me strength to get through the day


Then why:
~Does it sometimes feel so pointless
~Am I falling back into habits I tried so desperately to run away from
~Do I get that sinking feeling that what I was battling (with the Lord's strength) so long and hard for, I am losing any ground I covered. 


All we can do is cling to him. That's what I will do. He's the one who gives me the lemonade. ::laughs:: There's an analogy for you. =) God is the sugar to our sour lemon juice. ::beams:: or for all you fellow romantics, your love is the sugar to lemon juice. :)


Btw, I am going to be taking a month of absence starting August 1. I'll explain more later. Please don't panic. 


I have "Dance With Me Darling," from Bat Boy stuck in my head. I will post the lyrics to the main part. =)


There was love in your eyes.
You were so light in my arms,
We danced five hours or more,
We were the last on the floor,
With the soon still to rise...
The band played one final song,
And you were humming along:

Oh, dance with me, darling
we haven't danced since I don't know when.


Dance with me, darling,
Won't you embrace me?
Kiss me in case we don't meet again.
I've heard a rumour,
Barely a whisper,
Claiming that we were through.
So dance with me, darling
Show them that it's not true.


P.S. I like blogs. Not just mine. =)

Life Goes On:
Something feels weird though. I'm not sure what. 


So far life has been falling back into its normal pace. I started school: Physics, Pre-Calc, and The Westminster Confession of Faith (history). It's alright I guess. I miss my friends though. I miss everyone on the east coast, and I miss everyone up north. A lot of missing, and a lot of working.

~For those of you who don't like nitty gritty details, skip this next part


Monday:
Up at 6:45 devotions till 8, school for the next three hours, lunch and a little speech from 12-2 My loverly friend Carsen came over at 2:00. I really really miss her! She's gotten taller and so now I can't give her the most amazing hugs ever. =( Then at 6:30 I played sand volleyball with some friends of mine. Overall it was a relaxing day.

Tuesday:
Same as the yesterday. At 12:00 I went to the country club with my dad and watched my brother play some amazing golf. Then I cam home and spent most of the afternoon on apologetics. I only wrote two cards, but I'm really happy with them. I can sometimes be a perfectionist which makes Apologetics hard. =P =)

Those of you who skipped that last part, start here.
I'm not really sure what else to say. I really don't have a whole lot to say. I guess.....I'm tired. =) Seriously though, my mind is wide awake, but my body is tired. I don't really know why. I'm sure it will pass, but for now my body is very weary.

That's it for now. I really don't want to have another dream. =) I probably will though.

I'm praying for everyone. I really want to make people happy. Sorry if I disappoint.

I'm buying this tomorrow. =)

Five weeks, a little over 7000 miles, 6 states, a handful of cities, three amazing families, and one incredible God guiding me the whole time.

This trip has been life changing. Cheezy, I know, but it really has. The Lord has given me the strength to trust in Him more than I ever have. The peace he has given me is incredible, and he has drawn me to Him in ways that I can't even begin to explain.

Silly fact: I got home 5 (we made the 720 mile trip in 10 1/2 hours) and started cleaning and didn't stop till 9. I did all my laundry, cleaned out my closet, got rid of a ton of old stuff, etc. :) It was very relaxing.

For those of you who haven't seen me when I'm at home and trying to release stress, I clean. I don't know why it helps. Maybe it's the fact that it's something to focus on that requires all of my attention, but I can do it for a long time because it doesn't require too much energy. I don't know. :)


The last two days have unfolded in ways that were.....unexpected? yeah. Completely unexpected. 

My prayer is that God would give me love. Copious amounts of it at that. It is hard to love. Did you know that? ::laughs:: Did you know that it's hard for me to love? ::laughs softly:: Did you know that I'm not used to love being a hard thing? But through God all things are possible, and I will hold fast to that promise. 

After I was done cleaning, I finally cleaned myself. ::grins:: I took a ten minute shower.....Yeah, that's a big deal for me. :) It was really nice. Now I am clean, and all lotioned up, and very ready to sleep. So goodnight my dear friends.

The last few chapters of my life have been interesting. Each page was different from the last and it wasn't always for the better. There were days when I didn't want to have to turn the page. I didn't want to know what came next, cause I didn't want to leave the page I was on. Then there were days where I wanted to skip ahead the good parts. Of course there were also days when I was so tired I didn't even care what happened next. However, this chapter is over. A new chapter is beginning. A new start.

I'm excited

I don't like going to sleep before other people. I'm not sure why, but it's always the slightest bit unsettling.



Maybe it's because nothing can happen to them while they're asleep, so I like knowing when they're asleep.



Or I'm just crazy :)

Wow.

17 years. 

The Lord has taught me so much this past year. 
~Things about me.
~Things about others.
~Things about letting go.
~Things about holding on.
~Most of all things about trust.

*I thought about writing something really profound. But I'm too happy and bubbly to think about something deep to write. :)

Summary of today:


Well, I woke up. I know! Shocker right! :D :D :D I actually slept in which was really nice. I also skipped my workout. I'm regretting that now, but you can't have it all. Anyway, so I got up and changed into my bathing suit cause we had plans to go to a water park.

I've only been to one water park and it was a little itty bitty one in Oregon, and I haven't been in forever. Also, I've only been to disneyland once and I couldn't ride anything. :)


But then our plans were postponed for a little, so I walked around in my bathing suit and sweats. I really really love sweats. :D So anyway, I ran around like that for a while, read a book, and checked email and trying to figure out flight stuff. :) THEN we went to the water park around 2. We only got to go on one ride because the lines were so long, but I loved it. :) It was so much fun to just hang out with Darby, eat ice cream, and reminisce. ;) :) We then came home, and ate some INCREDIBLE honey roasted shrimp.

I loved all of my gifts. More than that, I loved the thought that was put into them. Delaney got me the cutest stuffed penguin. It's really fuzzy, small, and named Waddles. She also got me two kit-kats. It was so sweet of her, and now I have an airplane buddy. :D Maili (age 8) made me several cards, and some lotion that had been handed down to her through her sisters (she said it had been gone through 3 generations. It was so adorable). <3 Erin Claire (age 9) gave me a picture that she painted. It was of Ernie and Bert. She also gave me a tiny knit purse and a knit bookmark. It was incredibly sweet. Then Reilly (age 4) after much coaxing gave me a hug for my birthday. He was quite red, the darling boy. :)

Now we're watching "While You Were Sleeping" then "The Italian Job." I love Darby so much. Of all the places in the world that I would want to spend my birthday, there are only two other places I would rather be. I can't be in the other two places, so I am very happy to be here. :)

"Nice coat, nice hat, nice smile, Merry Christmas, will you marry me, I love you!"

It rained today. It was a pleasant surprise, and a pleasant reminder. :)

I also love rainbows. 

I'm am quite sorry that this post has been so delayed in coming. Well.....I guess it hasn't been that long, but it seems like I've already been in Florida for a few days even though this is my first. When you're traveling as much as I am you lose track of the days really easily.

I suppose I should just start with the flight. It went relatively smoothly. There were some very sad goodbyes, and then I was whisked away to my gate. I was in desperate need of a peppermint mocha and a massage, neither of which I got. However, I'm not complaining in the least. :) Although, I still haven't gotten either one of those things. :) The first flight was delayed which put me in a bit of a tizzy. Trust in God is incredible. It can get you through the smallest of trials, including a delayed flight. :) Thankfully the Lord wanted me on the next flight. I walked off my first flight, and literally ran across the hall/aisle and was the last to board on the second flight. During that second flight I sat next to the most adorable three year old boy. During the flight he spilled apple juice all over his seat and then cried himself to sleep. ::sighs:: I really want kids, more specifically a boy. :-/

I've never really thought about the fact that every time I get in a plane I'm thousands of feet up in the air, in a relatively tiny transporting thing. So far all of my flights have been super super scary. There's been quite a lot of turbulence with each one. All that to say, I've thought of about a million different things to say to my parents should I need to call them and tell them about a plan malfunction. Yes, I can be overly paranoid, but there's nothing wrong with being prepared. Right? Right. Call me weird, but whatever. :)


Yesterday I met all of Darby's wonderful family, and I love each and every one of them. They are so adorable. Not to mention Darby is absolutely gorgeous. We watched The Devil Wears Prada, and talked a whole lot, about everything. Well, one thing. Well, two things, but they were the same thing, if you know what I mean. So that was really nice.

Today we went to the beach. The Florida beach is like nothing I've ever been to. I know why people want to come here for their honeymoon. The ocean is incredible and it's salty enough to be support you, so I just lay out there and floated around. I would absolutely love to go there with my future husband. It is so peaceful, and wonderful. I was actually relaxed for the first time. I wasn't stiff, and my back felt good which was amazing. My neck was still a bit stuff, but the Lord is so good and has been so wonderful.
We are now watching Get Smart. :D

1) It's so humid it feels like it's going to rain. 2) Today I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor (I hate feeling useless, so I just cleaned). So 8 year old Maili came up to me and put her hands on her hips and said, "You're on vacation, what do you think you're doing." She is so cute. :) 3) I realized a few things when giving advice to a friend.
- I know exactly what I want in my future husband: A guy who thinks with his head and feels with his heart. 
Those tend to get a bit muddled when it comes to love. So often we tend to think with our hearts and feel in our heads.

-My future husband better be able to put up with me staying in jeans and sweatshirts all day. There is little I love more than sweats and t-shirts and sweatshirts. I could work all day in a t-shirt and jeans, so future husband, whoever you are, please be ok with that. Oh, and I love coffee. :)

Alright, sweet dreams. <3

You know those times when you say something without thinking about it, and then you want to smack yourself in the head over and over, because the truth is that you were overreacting, and there were just too many emotions to deal with and that last little thing, as tiny and as far in the past as it is, was still is enough to wipe you dry.......


......And then days later you finally calm down and then feel just absolutely awful. 




I'm so sorry.




The sun is great, but there is nothing like the rain.




I miss it.


A lot.

I. Am. Tired.

I guess I could give a quick run-down of my week at WV.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday: Monday afternoon, at 12:15, I found out that a dear friend's mother passed away, and my dad had been in the hospital for the past few days. I sobbed all afternoon, played frisbee, listened to some incredible lectures, sobbed some more, and then slept. Tuesday was spent pretty much the same. I really did enjoy the lectures, and I got a ton out of them,  but it was still hard. Frisbee really helped. Shout out: to all the guys who were so sweet and accepting in frisbee. Thanks for giving me a chance to play. I had a great time! I also was not that bad. ;) :) Tuesday night I listened to an incredible lecture about problem of pain, however I couldn't get through it. So I want outside and fell to my knees and basically yelled to the Lord to please give me strength. (I was not mad at all. I just needed strength.) And a calm settled over me. The Lord strengthened me this week more than anything. I don't know what will happen when I get home, but I'll just take one stop at a time. 

Thursday and Friday: More great lectures, more awesome frisbee, and general amazingness. I am going to really really really miss all of the friends I made at WV. :( :( :(

I'm actually exhausted, emotionally and physically. I'll write more when I can think clearer.

I don't know why I chose that quote, but I have that song stuck in my head.

Quick Rundown: 
Wednesday- My flight from VA to Atlanta was rather uneventful. I sat next to this sweet southern lady with a really thick accent. She was very helpful in explaining the Atlanta airport so I would know what to expect. Luckily my gate from Atlanta to Raleigh was only a few gates down but the flight was an hour behind schedule. Oh well. At least I had time to eat a really yummy chilli dog. :) I felt totally sick afterwards but it was worth it. :D Once arriving in NC I met Lizzy and her mom and we attempted to drive home in a reasonably short time.....HA! There was a huge section of the freeway closed, so the drive took an hour longer. We talked the whole time. When we got home we had a loverly dinner, watched star trek, and stayed up to an insane hour talking about girl stuff. ;) :)

Thursday- We went to the Art Museum. It was INCREDIBLE!!!! I love art sooo much. I saw Roudin, Monet, and a bunch of other amazing artists. We also say artifacts from ancient Egypt and ancient Israel. We're talking first century amazingness. :D Then we went to Chick-fil-A, which was a first for me. They got my stamp of approval. :D THEN we went on a walk and took tons of silly pictures. It was amAzing. :D

Friday- PARTY!!!! Which was awesome. We played double solitaire. I was so close to winning. Ergh meisters. Lizzy beat me in the final round. (At least I didn't do bad...right?)

It's interesting, cause the last time I played it was at the Clarion tournament. We played on teams, which made it a lot easier. Also a very memorable time. 

Then we played two truths and a lie. I lived up to my wonderful reputation of always being smooth by giving two lies and a truth on accident. Whatever. :P :) Then we played Ninja!!! I won a bunch of times, hehehehe, I tried not to show my competitive side.......yeah, that last for like.....30 seconds. :D What can I say? :) Then we played Scattegories. It was really cool cause we all got scores that were consecutive...kinda. Like, in the 20's 30's 40's and me: 50's. :)


This reminded me of the time I played it with Lauren. She totally whooped my tush if I remember it right. ;) :)


IT'S SATURDAY- Theatre joke...anywho. We packed for worldview, and then did our photoshoot. We took around 400 pictures. Yikes! :D It was thooper fun though. :D Then we ate lunch at subway and now we're just chillin yo. Yeah, I could never be a gangster. :D Tonight, we're going to see fireworks in celebration of the fourth of July. See, we have to drive to WV tomorrow, which kinda takes out any celebrating opportunities that we may have for that day. Wow, that was a bad sentence. :P

Me? Happy? Get out of town!
I am having such an incredible time. Seriously, it's. just. yeah. ::laughs:: I can't really describe it. I feel free from my burdens. I don't have to worry about anything. This is exactly what I have needed for a really. really. really. really. long time. It may only be a week or two, but it will certainly be enough to keep going.

OH! I know exactly what this is like. There was this time back at the beginning of my freshman year. I was in my first high school show, I was having a blast with all my friends, my parents and I were getting along wonderfully, and everything was perfect. And I was happy. I was more than happy. And from about October of my freshman year to now, it's been a complicated mess. I'm not complaining at all. Everything that happened, I brought upon myself through my rebellion, and selfish desires. However, the Lord has pulled me up, and I'm on my feet again. I know what to expect now, and I feel so free. I really can't describe it any other way.............Ok, now that I've totally become all mushy and warm and happy inside, I'm going to leave you all forever



JUST KIDDING! But seriously, I'll be gone for a week. (Ya know when people are asked, "What are you going to do know?" And they say "WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND." Well....


WE'RE GOING TO WORLDVIEW!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!

I am so excited to meet a bunch of like minded teenagers, growing closer to the Lord, and having a blast while doing so. :D We're going to play sports, and listen to lectures, and there's this curbside survey or something, where you witness and just talk to people on the street. :D I'm super excited for that. But yeah, 5 days: No cellphone, ipod, or computer. I'm actually kind of excited for that too. :D

Anyway, I've kinda filled this post with a bunch of nothingness, but you guys seem to be enjoying it so there ya are. :D

I like blogs, and sunshine, and rain.....yeah, I like rain a lot. I actually miss rain, like literally. I really miss looking outside and seeing it pouring. I do like rain though. :)