Yesterday I had a breakthrough. Still not quite sure how it was precipitated. My only guess is that the Lord in his mercy has been merciful and brought me out of my confusion.

I've really been thinking about how much time I spend in the word. I read the bible for about 30 minutes every morning before rushing off to the rest of my day. However, the words of Psalm 92 are stuck in my head. They something along the lines of how good it is to give thanks to the Lord, to praise his faithfulness in the morning and glorify him at night.

I read my bible in the morning because I so happen to be a morning person. But should convenience dictate when we spend time with the Lord? If you were in a relationship, or even if you are, would you wake up every morning to eat breakfast with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and try to spend a little time with them every night? (This is from a college perspective, fyi). I know I certainly would. Even if it was inconvenient, I would make sure he knew that I was there whenever he needed me.

How much more so should we seek out the Lord. In the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. The bible, and the psalms especially, are filled with charges to call on the Lord continually throughout the day. Not just an hour in the morning, or an hour at night.

Now I don't think it is my job or calling to shirk all of my responsibilities here at college and spend all day in the word (though let me tell you, if God was calling me to that, I would do it in a heartbeat). My calling right now is to be a devoted student and a caring friend. But I can't do that to the fullest if I am not always in the word, if I am not always meditating on the Lord and his promises.

In a conversation with a dear friend, he aptly communicated what I have been thinking for so long.

I see all that I should/want to be and all that the Lord desires me to be. Then I look at myself, and I wonder how to bridge the huge gap between the two.
Thankfully, someone has already built the bridge. In fact he built it with himself. Christ died so that we might have a relationship with God, and so that we might, in His strength, attempt to bring God glory every single day of our lives. It is because of Christ alone that we can even hope of becoming half of who we were made to be.

A senior recently said in her testimony,
The more you become like God, the more you become like yourself.
...that is, who God created you to be. Such inspiring words. :)

A Change of Pace 

For the past two weeks, for a reason that still remains a mystery to me, I have sunk into severe depression. During the day I feel only slightly off, but then at night I've completely tanked emotionally. I've cried more than I ever have, and I thank my patient roommates for putting up with all the brokenness that they have witnessed. I've kept in constant contact with my mother. We figured out that there is some sort of chemical imbalance which are essentially destroying my hormones, or something like that. Though this may sound dramatic, this is how I heard it. "Your capacity to deal with intense emotions is completely shot." Things that I could normally process so easily became burdensome to the point of complete exhaustion. Only yesterday afternoon did I fully break away from that. 

And with the freedom came an intense desire for the word, and for godly teaching and literature. I had been reading my bible daily, but the joy that has come so difficultly now seems to explode out of me. I finally feel like myself. This isn't to say I'm back to normal. I'm not, but I've set up some measures. Posting about these measures seems sort of like an accountability method.

I have a job working at a bookstore. One of the perks of a low income is the fact that I have basically an hour of free time while my boss goes to lunch. Sometimes there will be some basic chores, but aside from manning the register, most days are fairly slow. This gives me a chance to read... for fun.

You heard it. I actually get an hour to read anything I like. I've decided to finally tackle that long list of books I've been meaning to get to. And since it's only an hour, I don't feel to guilty about it. 

Currently Reading: Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris.

Thoughts so far - It's incredibly inspiring. I love his writing because it is so humble, transparent, and humorous, while also packed with solid theology. He's mentioned a few titles that I'm hoping to read over the summer. 

Up Next: 
Humility  by C.J. Mahaney 
The Great Divorce  by C.S. Lewis
Spurgeon vs. Hyper-Calivinism  by Iain H. Murray
The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges 
Getting Things Done by David Allen 

This may be a bit ambitious, but if anyone has any recommendations, I would love to hear them. :)

Blessings always,
Belle

Light in the Darkness

Posted on

Monday, February 6, 2012