Virginia:
Life in Virginia is wonderful. :) :) Excluding the weather, of course. ;) :) Yorktown has certainly lived up to its humid expectations. I am slowly but surely getting used to the humidity. This morning I stepped outside and actually relished that warm humid feeling. It's a very comfortable kind of warmth....when it's not 100 degrees of course. :) It was only 92 this morning. That's another thing I have to get used to. It gets hot in the morning and then cools down in the late afternoon. In medford it is cool in the morning and gets hot in the late afternoon. All this to say, I'm adjusting quite well.

My cousins have all been considerably courteous, telling me how wonderful I am, and how useful I am, and how they are so glad to have me....... HA! In all seriousness, they have been wonderful, despite the constant teasing. I love them dearly.


Patrick: Too smart for his own good, and endearingly stubborn. Seriously though, really really smart, and quite stubborn. :) He's like an older brother to me, not excluding the "brotherly" teasing that happens every few seconds. Love ya cos!
Philip: He's funny, and takes after his brother in the teasing factor. He has the funniest russian accent. Right now he's volunteering at the National Air and Space Museum. His main task is to watch over a group of kindergartners. Yesterday he spoke to them in his russian accent all day. He's such a crack-up.
Gina: She is the most adorable seven year old on the face of this planet. Since she picked me up from the airport Saturday, she has stuck to my side the whole time. She knows more about animals than any person I have ever met. What a blessing it has been! :)

Quick Summary: 
Saturday: After we made it home, we all had a wonderful dinner and then went out to take a walk. I don't remember too much about that night except that I was talking to Pat till midnight about religion and then I stayed up till 2 talking with a beloved friend of mine who was able to gently push some sense into my head. I love you hannah! :)


Sunday: I went to mass with Aunt Aggi, phil, pat, and gina. I've only been to mass once before so it was an interesting experience. It was a beautiful service with the baptism of a sweet little girl, but it made me miss my church family dearly. I hadn't reckoned on that being something I would miss, but I really miss PD's teaching and fellowship with everyone. After mass and lunch Gina helped me unpack and get situated in my room. Then she and I played out side all day long. She showed me all of her bugs, and showed me how to catch them. I thought they were ugly but of course I didn't say anything. The one thing I remember hearing her say was, "Aren't they beautiful."


As humans we have been born into a depraved and sinful state. We are like filthy bugs that crawl on flowers and ruin the beauty of them. I found it fascinating that God would choose to reveal to me, a truth that I so desperately wanted to hear, through the mouth of a seven year old. God was reminding me gently of how he looks at me. "Aren't you beautiful," he says of me. All he sees is a beautiful butterfly because his son's righteousness has been given to me. What a wonderful thing to be reminded of. 


The day ended with another walk. I went to bed a little earlier.

Monday: I can't remember a whole lot about this day. We went to the library in the morning and then we went to the Air and Space museum and hung out there for a while. We had to pick Philip up cause he was volunteering there, so we decided to go early and just look around. The day ended in another walk. :)


Tuesday: We went shopping for new sunglasses cause I broke mine. Then, the rest of the day was spent at the community pool. The life guard was sweet and gave me a book from england. It was a quick read, and I managed to finish it in an hour. It was....interesting. Clever, but interesting. At least it was somethin to pass the time. The evening was a little slower and I used it to catch up with a few friends of mine.

Today (wed.): Last night I managed to fall asleep before midnight. I was grateful for the extra sleep. This morning I heard a timid knocking at my door. I got up to unlock my door then jumped back in bed, assuming it would be Pat or Auntie, but gina pocked her head around the frame. Then I remembered that the whole family was going to be gone. Clint at NASA where he works, Aggi and Phil and a meeting, and Pat at class, so I welcomed her in, and she crawled in bed with me and we giggled and made silly faces.

Three things I am REALLY looking forward to when I'm a mom. Teaching my children how to read/write, having cuddly time with them, and kissing away their scrapes. I love how kids think that one kiss from mommy will make everything better. ::smiles:: But I'm getting ahead of myself. :)


We then made a funny video. She is such a sweetheart. :) We then went outside, me with my cereal and her with her always present smile. Then we came back inside and I helped her work through her workbook. We got a lot of work done. Her mommy will be so proud. Now we're curled up on the couch  watching an animal movie. Later we might go back to the pool.

Confessions of a home lover:
I have to say, as much as I love Virginia, I do miss Oregon. I love the hills. That's something I miss. Don't get excited, I still want to live in a big city, but I do miss Oregon more than I thought I would. All that to say I love it here.

Confessions of a self-piteous child of God:
I'm just confessing stuff all over the place. ::laughs:: Sunday night laying in bed at 1:00am I started thinking. Now granted it was late so my emotional diameter probably wasn't due north. Regardless, I started thinking about every big decision I had made in the last two years. Each one more self serving than the last. I realized that I had only sought out foolish pleasure. Each decision had ended badly. I thought about everything that I had let happen to me. I started think about all the things that had been said to me, and I started believing those things. I reflected on the fact that it was my fault that everything had happened. Rather than rush to the Lord's arms to find comfort I just sank deeper and deeper into my own despair. 

Then I got on the computer. This is what I do whenever I want to forget everything. Usually I just get more depressed, but the Lord was not going to let me off that easy, and praise Him for that. I got on gmail and my dear friend was on. She talked to me for an hour, and she basically said the same thing over and over. God loves me. He has forgiven me. He can fill me. He can get rid of my emptiness. By the third time she said that (in much more flowing way of course), I was about to just say forget it (I cringe at how stubborn I was. I was determined to remain in my empty state. It was all I had felt the last few months and I was scared of a change). But then she said it again, and. I. understood. It was like God opened my eyes to everything. 

Ramble:
I can't really describe or remember everything that happened next, but it was like I finally felt full.  I eventually got off the computer at 2:00am, and then I prayed. Finally I was able to let go of everything. Everything that had been said to me, everything that had hurt me, everyone that had hurt me, I gave it all to the Lord. ::smiles wryly:: I take that back, he took it from me. I didn't ahve the strength to let go. I realized that I had been used to the guilt, depression, the feeling of being used. All of that was normal to me. It was just how things were. The real upset was when God sent me something better, and I was scared of it. It wasn't anything I was used to, and so I turned it away. I still think that was the right decision, but it was based on the wrong reasons. I realized that I hadn't wanted to give anything to God because that would mean that I had to give up the last year of doubts, guilt, sorrow, and even though it seems like that would be easy, like I said, it was all I was used to. It's on this trip that God is going to help me get things back in order. I thought I had moved on from what was behind me, but I realized I hadn't let anything go because it was still hurting me. ::sighs:: That was a lot of rambling, but it's so hard to eloquently describe the kind of freedom I feel. Thank you Lord. :) <3

Who knows?:
What's in store. What tomorrow will hold. What I will do with my life. Who I'm going to marry. Where I'm going to live.
God
Not me.

What I do know, is that I'm going to go play with Gina. Will see what happens from there. :)