What a day this has been, what a rare mood I'm in. Spending an evening in deep conversation with a dear friend will do that to a person.

Oh how full my mind is. A good kind of full, and yet, a full kind of full. I think you know what I mean. Just because your brain is filled with good things, doesn't mean that your brain has the ability to deal with all of those things. I would take the time to put it all into a list, but frankly, I don't want to. I am content to let life be full, un-listed, and un-color coordinated.

Two things that have been on my heart the past week (I am sure they have been on my heart before, but I only just decided to voice them). I want to make a difference. I do believe those are the most cliche words out there when it comes to actions. And yet, I long for this. I don't want the glory of doing something, I don't want praise or attention. I just desperately want to bring glory to God. I want to have something to lay at his feet. Not in such a way as "look what I have done, now you can have it." But rather, "Oh Lord, how you have blessed me with this. My sole desire is to give it all back to you."

I want to help children in need. I want to minister to girls who haven't heard the word, who come from abusive homes, or have been rescued from sex/slave trafficking. If God asked me to leave everything I had to go serve on the mission field for Him, I would do it whole heartedly. willingly. joyously.

And yet, this is not what he is asking. He's asking me to be fully here. I feel so full of love for my sisters. Overwhelming to the brim with love. That's what I'm called to do right now. This actually brings me a vast amount of peace and happiness. :)

The second thing is this. I want so desperately to be elegant, and sophisticated. Among so many other things of course. :) For a while I thought about giving up the bubbly spirit that has always been a part of me in exchange for a quiet spirit. I've always thought that one can either be talkative vivacious person with a quiet, humble soulIn my mind, I find it difficult to reconcile these two. And yet, I can't lose my joy. It's so much a part of me that I can't suppress it, and trust me, I've tried. And failed. :)

In the words of a wonderful guy whose name starts with an A and ends with aron K. ;) "a quiet soul does not mean a quiet mouth."

I had fully intended on going on to post something deep, reflective, and very not self-focused. There's so much more I wish to share. But, my lovely roommates and I got into a deep discussion of all manner of things, and so I left my post, and returned feeling very uninspired.

In fairytales, there's always a neat tidy ending. This is not a fairytale. This is my reality. :)

One thing that I will never never never ever get tired of: an old book. The smell. The feel. If ever something was created to be lovely, it was an old book. :)

Prayer Request: Still very very sick. Running in the rain, the freezing weather, and stress hasn't helped much. Haven't gone to the doctors yet, but if it persists for another week, then I'll go. Prayer much appreciated. <3