Sunday: 

Loveliness

         Taking a deep breath she burst out the doors into the pouring rain. Immediately the warm musty smell enveloped her as the cold clear drops beat mercilessly against her face and arms. She put her hands up to cover her face as she ran through the torrential downpour. Her skirt whipped at her quickly soaked legs. Even as the seconds flew by she was becoming weighed down by her now wet clothes. Bursting down the stairs, nearly slipping, twice she finally burst through the doors of the small townhall, and ducked quickly in. 
         She was met with a blast of frigid air. Within a matter of moments she was chilled to the bone. All the same, with a steady resoluteness she straightened her dress, pulled her thin sweater around her shoulders, and shook the water from her hair. Soon she was sitting down, finally able to rest. She let her fingers trace the keys, letting the soft sounds they made warm her from the inside. It was a gradual warmth, but progressive all the same. She smiled happily to herself as each note brought a different emotion, a different ache, a different pleasure to her soul.
         This was reality. Right here before her. Who knew it could be so colorless and yet still sparkle so brilliantly. Some people's reality flows from their mouths, their actions, their words. Her reality shot straight from her heart, and poured out through her fingers. An hour later she had written a song.

The lovely thing about writing music is that you get to see all of reality spread out, right there in front of you. But it's not the kind of reality that makes you want to hide. It's the kind that has been dealt with. The kind that has already flowed out. Once your reality has poured out of your palms and covered the pages in a myriad of notes, there is little possibility of it ever shutting itself back in your soul. I play so that I may see my reality. 

Reality

Today:
Hello all, 
         As I sit here, once again buried in a couch filled with soft pillows, a cup of tea in one hand, Plato's Republic in the other, I can't help but think of how blessed I am. The Lord has been so abundant with his grace. I shrivel with inadequacy in the presence of his throne. He has given me peace when I was sure none would ever come. He has given me strength when I knew I had none left. As each day passes by I struggle with a complete and overwhelming sense of helplessness, and yet, I know that he is with me, guiding each day as it comes.

Whatever is lovely, that is what I seek

         This morning I woke up feeling refreshed. Reading His beautiful powerful word only helped to solidify that. Then, oh alas, then did I open up the dreaded monster that was my computer. Let the evil facebook dominate my screen. And it was then that I saw it. A message from my mother. Few in words. But as I quickly skimmed over it, my heart sank, and my entire being was drained. Granted, I'm being a bit dramatic. ;) :) But when I saw her message, my heart felt like it physically sunk. Something that I have worked so hard to put behind me refused to stay put. Again it had come up, manifesting itself in another's response.
         As I look back, I realize how silly it was to let it affect me so. And yet the rest of the morning was dominated by my fears and anxieties. The message in chapel was so fitting. "What are we afraid of?" Was I really going to let the fear of what others think ruin a perfectly lovely morning. God gave me my answer. Not on His watch. ;) :)
         How quickly I am to let something that God is sure to take care of upset me. How easy it is for me to forget to depend on his promise that he loves and will take care of all his children. Will I ever learn.


It's high time I get back to the magical world of argumentation and cities and justice and truth. :)

"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door." Find a window. It may be harder. It may take longer. But it will give you a chance to evaluate how much you want something, and it will give you a clearer picture of what you ought to do. 

I want my kitty very very much right now. Yes, I'm allergic, but only if the fur gets to my eyes. =)

OUGHT: Used to indicate duty or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions.